She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
