guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
