Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
