Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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