My sheets look like a crime scene.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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