we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
