you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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