Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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