yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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