Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
