You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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