She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
