Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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