I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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