Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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