I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
