I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize