I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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