i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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