K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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