He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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