you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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