Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
