he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
