I am puke
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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