A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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