Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
