help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
