Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
