I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
