Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
