so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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