it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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