Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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