we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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