Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
