he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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