And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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