You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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