they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
