So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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