I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my poor anus
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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