david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize