On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
