Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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