If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
