The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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