guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
