Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
