My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
