he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
