He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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