Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
