WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
