How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
