OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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