Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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