we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
