Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize