an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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