is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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