There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
