I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
