Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize