she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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