i may or may not be watching the land before time
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
