Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
