: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize