so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
