Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
