That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
