Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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