ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
