You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
