I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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