but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i think i just lost a toe
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize