just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
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